meandmy69cats: I wish I was a cat because the fatter you are the more people like you
frenchfrysweatshirt: a haiku about periods haagen dazs ice cream that stain is not coming out i am so horny
thealbinoweave: do you ever have so much to do that you just decide not to do any of it
How to tell the difference between different...
POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.
THRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.
HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.
FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave........ without the princess.
VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.
DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.
BLACK METAL: The protagonist IS the dragon, dwells in the heart of the night with in a castle full of hellhounds and eternal flames. He kills the sassy knight, fucks the noble steed and sacrifices the princess to Satan.
GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.
DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.
PROGRESSIVE METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the 'HEAVY METAL' protagonist.
GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.
NU METAL: The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.
DEATHCORE: The protagonist arrives in a tank top and brand new plugs, screams "FUCK YOU SLUT" at the princess and precedes to hardcore dance until the dragon burns him to death.
STONER METAL: The protagonist, dragon, and princess all smoke pot and dissolve blotter tabs while proclaiming themselves as being higher than the sun.
TECHNICAL DEATH METAL: The protagonist, dragon, and princess all die of old age waiting for the new Necrophagist album to come out.
queensassyofthefatties: I don’t trust a guy who won’t kiss me after I’ve had his dick in my mouth. If he can’t bring himself to locking lips because of HIS own dick…then…that’s just a red flag that maybe I shouldn’t have my lips on his dick in the first place.
But I did just make a delicious chicken salad.
I feel really uncomfortable eating in my own home....
I’m never home before nine or ten and I just don’t always feel like waiting the hour it takes to make something wholesome and healthy. No, sometimes I just want a pb&j or some mac&cheese. But then my dad walks by making some snide “how about a salad” comment. Or my step-mom will say “you probably shouldn’t be eating that this late”. But then they...
I wouldn't be afraid of spiders if I could just...
Me: Oh, hey whoa, this shower is occupied.
Spider: Omg man I didn't see you there.
Me: We cool?
Spider: Yeah, yeah, we're cool. I'm just coming down to scope out the tub.
Me: Oh, that's legit. Hey, you might wanna move over some--you're descending right into the shower stream and I don't want you to drown.
Spider: Hey thanks, bud. I'll be careful.
Me: So...can I get out now?
Spider: Sure, sure! Sorry I'll just move over here.
Me: Thanks. You have a nice night. Don't come into my bedroom, okay?
Spider: Nah, that's your space. We're cool. Have a great evening.
im-a-awkward-giraffe: linadivorceeofl: lundsdotter: The strongest ‘pound for pound’ muscle is the uterus: it weighs around 2 pounds but during childbirth can exert a downward force of 400 Newtons, which is one hundred times as strong as gravity and equivalent to the power in a fully extended modern longbow. Gentlemen. I don’t feel as weak and useless anymore but am now afraid of my...
I just moved her cage directly next to my bed so I can see her sweet perfect face when I wake up in the morning. But let’s be real she’ll probably just keep me up until three in the morning.
One of the biggest reason’s why I can’t wait to move to my own place is not because I’ll be out of my parents house on my own but because I’ll be able to play with Camilla more as I will actually have a door with my room.
seababe: You really only understand how drunk you are when you’re peeing So relevant it hurts.
Anonymous asked: where did you get your septum pierced?
inwithdnew asked: love your photography!
Get ready for an extreme photo spam of my Cali -...
All taken with my Canon Rebel T3.
adderall makes me deep in the weirdest ways. but then also creative so it’s a win.